Rebecca Buddin: Emily's Story

Rebecca Buddin opens her heart about the passing of her vibrant 9-year-old daughter Emily to a horse-related accident in July 2024, sharing the raw reality of grief while demonstrating extraordinary resilience.

Emily was the quintessential horse girl – determined, passionate, and sporting her beloved purple cowgirl hat earned with her first rodeo winnings. Rebecca takes us through the beautiful memories of Emily's fierce love for barrel racing, from the moment at age four when she asked if spare change could buy her a horse, to becoming a competitive young rider whose spirit touched everyone around her.

The conversation shifts powerfully when Rebecca reveals how her younger daughter Harper, just seven at the time, declared "We're not quitting riding" after Emily's passing. This moment sparked Rebecca's profound realization: "If I tell her she can't quit, but I do, what am I showing her?" It's this question that propels her forward each day, even through tears and heartache.

Through the Purple Cowgirl Foundation, she's ensuring Emily becomes the famous barrel racer she dreamed of being, just not in the way they planned, while creating safety resources for the equestrian community and support for families facing similar losses.

Ready for a powerful reminder about living purposefully through unimaginable pain? Listen as Rebecca shows us what it means to take Harper's wise advice after grieving her best friend and sister: "You can take a minute," then keep moving forward with love and intention. Follow the Purple Cowgirl Foundation on Facebook to learn more about their safety awareness initiatives and support for grieving families.

"Dream Bird" by Jonny Easton

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Rebecca and Emily
• 4:37 Emily's Love for Horses and Barrel Racing
• 10:19 The Purple Cowgirl Hat
• 17:10 "We're Not Quitting Riding"
• 22:15 "I'm Just Here" - Navigating Grief
• 32:21 The Purple Cowgirl Foundation
• 40:50 "Take Your Minute" - Family's Perspective
• 47:54 Emily's Legacy and Advice for Grieving Mothers

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Hello and welcome back to Warrior Moms. I am Michelle Davis.

Speaker 2: 0:12

And I am Amy Durham and we are so grateful to have a new mom here that we have chatted with her briefly I was about to make up a new word there. We have chatted with her briefly I have before today and we're going to learn about her sweet daughter, emily day. And then, um, and we're going to learn about her sweet daughter emily. Um, the mom's name is rebecca and we have actually met her through a web of the internet. Basically, um, you know it's. It's amazing how some of us, the you know misery needs company, as they say, um, and then sometimes you just find your people in the weirdest places that you would never expect. We hate that we have found this connection, but I know that our dear friend Robin, who's been on a couple of times with us, and Rebecca have kind of befriended each other through the worldwide web of the world. So, rebecca, we'd love to hear from you, hear about your daughter Emily and just tell us a little bit about her please.

Speaker 3: 1:24

As you said, my name is Rebecca Budden and my daughter, emily, passed away in July of 2024. Um, we're approaching the year, um, which every day is difficult, obviously, um, once you lose a child, there's nothing. There's nothing easy about that, um, and you know, you get warned that every first is going to be tragic, and it is. And they say just wait for year two. So I'm I'm not looking forward to that, but, um, emily, so Emily, uh, I, I say she's forever mine. She passed away due to a horse related accident and it was just, you know, seemingly an ordinary day that we had, and just again, one of those things that you never expect to happen.

Speaker 2: 2:39

So, you said it was a horse-related accident. Was she a big horse girl? Tell us about that, absolutely.

Speaker 3: 2:50

So vibrant, vivacious, determined in all aspects of riding horses, and she is a barrel racer. So if you know anything about barrel racing, that is a sport that requires a lot of dedication, blood, sweat, tears, and the girl was one of the most dedicated nine-year-olds I have ever met. She blew my socks off all the time about how deep she wanted to go with it. I remember her at two just loving horses and being the embodiment of like the 1940s movie where it sticks her hand out and all the animals come and get on her arms.

Speaker 2: 3:52

Yes, she was a real life Disney movie.

Speaker 1: 3:56

That was, yeah, the little Snow White, right yeah.

Speaker 3: 4:02

And I'll never forget. She was about four years old and we were walking out of the Publix and you know, sometimes the boys like to push the cart out because they like to escape, and so one of the boys was pushing the carts out and I had change in my hand and she loved change. So I go to give her the change and she looks up at me with the change and she goes mommy, will this buy me a horse? So you can buy me a horse. So, um, at four, she knew she wanted a horse and so we started horse lessons in canton, where we lived.

Speaker 3: 4:41

Um, with a friend of ours her name is kelly mcnamara and so she, she, was our, our horse lady and we went in there and she taught Emily how to tack a horse, which, at four and five, that is really hard to do. But again, I tell you, this girl was determined to do it all by herself. So she, you know, she started there and started riding, and from there the passion was just, it emanated through her body and her writing. And from there the passion was just, it, emanated through her body and her bones. You, you, couldn't get her to stop Um, which, again, I wish more people had that veracity, um, just for life itself. But, um, she did, she had, she had the passion.

Speaker 3: 5:33

And then we, we found a farm here in Resaca, georgia, and from there we we got her a little horse and then got her a step up horse, and then, um, she had started on um, really a bigger horse um at the time that she passed away. So she was competing locally I say locally, within a 50 mile radius. She had been competing, and so we were within the local GJRA, which is the Georgia Junior Radio Association, and she was, you know, doing poles and barrels and that was just a big passion for her and she's. She also has a little sister, so they're about a little over 18 months apart, and so little sister, um saw the passion, one of the passion, and it was, it was kind of, we called our, I called us the blonde trio. We all have blonde hair and we are inseparable and so we're going to do this together. Emily decided we're, we're going to barrel race together, and so oh my gosh and I had to do it.

Speaker 3: 6:53

Little sister has to do it, so we were. We were doing those things together.

Speaker 1: 6:57

I um, I grew up in South Dakota and so growing up with you know, horses and um, cows and so forth is pretty commonplace and, um, we had, my dad had bought a barrel racing horse that had been retired, um, just for my youngest sister, um, and you know it was basically just, you know, supposed to be kind of like a little pasture horse that you know you'd feed and talk to and so forth. And I mean to tell you the first time that I got on it, I mean a barrel horse. If listeners aren't sure what that means, I mean it is fast sprints, I mean turn on a dime, wow, I mean so I'm picturing your little one at four and five and then, you know, all the way to nine, I mean just a fierce little one that Emily.

Speaker 3: 7:52

Yes definitely, definitely, and you could see legs and hair just flying when she was running around those barrels and then when she'd wear a hat. So most of the time she wore a helmet, but our deal was she wanted a cowgirl hat. She wanted to be like the big girls and big girls were cowgirl hats in the rodeo.

Speaker 3: 8:17

So she, she was going to get a cowgirl hat and I said, okay, you earn your first check and I will take you to get a cowgirl hat. And by golly, if she didn't go that very next weekend and blow it out so that she could get.

Speaker 2: 8:34

All she wanted was the hat.

Speaker 3: 8:37

So we go to. We go to the store it's Take the Reins in Chatsworth. We go up to Take the Reins in Chatsworth and she's looking at the hats and they have an array of, you know, meek and mild and pretty, just regular cowgirl hats whites and tans and yeah. And just you know the common colors, the neutral colors.

Speaker 3: 9:05

Girl sees the purple one, and purple was her favorite color, and so she says oh no, Purple was her favorite color. And so she says oh no, I'm getting that one, it was probably on clearance, because nobody else wanted it right?

Speaker 2: 9:17

Oh no, it's not on clearance.

Speaker 1: 9:23

It's the fancy fondangled one.

Speaker 3: 9:24

I bet I wish it was on clearance, but no, she was like I'm getting the purple one. And I was like, are you sure it's not going to match every shirt that you have? Are you sure? Like, are you sure you don't want to do a neutral? I think you'd look really great in like the gray. No, absolutely not. You said I could get, and I said, yes, ma'am, I sure did. And so, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2: 9:52

Did she get to wear it? Did she get to wear it in a rodeo?

Speaker 3: 9:56

She did. She did. There were special occasions, a couple rodeos that she did locally. We have the Phillips Rodeo that's here in June, and so that was one of the ones that she got to wear and occasionally for the GJRA I'd let her wear it, but mostly I really liked the helmet. Just it made me feel a little bit safer to have her wear the helmet, but when she was at the rodeo it was. It was that argument of but mama, the big girls, were wearing my hat, and so it was just one of those.

Speaker 3: 10:33

You know you pray and you hope nothing happens, and you know um it just a helmet um wouldn't have saved her from the accident, so it wasn't something that a helmet would have changed.

Speaker 1: 10:56

The outcome yeah.

Speaker 3: 10:59

But again now, my other daughter. She's waiting on her cowgirl hat. She's won a lot of money, but she's bougie. She's bougie, just like her sister. She's just like her sister and she picked out the brightest, pinkest hat.

Speaker 3: 11:25

Unfortunately, that hat has been on back order for like a year and a half now on back order for like a year and a half now. So I know I'm sad about my, but, no, no, I really do want her to have a hat, but she does know that, um, we're we're really going to focus on helmet, um, and helmet safety especially. You know, because that's that's kind of what we do now with. We do a safety series now and we're just promoting a lot of safety awareness, and so she's still gonna get to get her hat. She's actually changed it. She wants cornflower blue. Oh cute, oh yeah, yeah. So we'll see, we'll see she, she like her sister. Um, they, they have their own fashion sense and a um, a way in their mind that this is how life is and this is how it's going to go. So again, same kind of strong, willed determination.

Speaker 1: 12:27

Yeah, has that um, you know that you know spirit with your other daughter. Has that helped in this past year with losing your sister about?

Speaker 3: 12:55

how we were going to manage going back to writing and how we were going to navigate that. And her name is Harper. Harper is very strong-willed and she's very matter-of-fact about things and she's currently eight, but she was seven before she she's currently eight, but she was seven before, and at seven years old, she had already decided what she was going to do.

Speaker 3: 13:25

So she let me know that we're not going to quit writing. And that was a we and it was a very to me, because I was like I'm not sure and she was like no, we're not, we are not quitting riding. So Emily would want us to still ride, so we're going to ride. And she was like, if you need a minute, that's okay.

Speaker 1: 13:52

She needs to be all of our spiritual leaders right there yes, now.

Speaker 2: 14:01

But now, how did you deal with that? Because here you are and you're torn. You know it's one foot in the past and one foot in the future, and it's. It's a hard position for a mom a lot of times, because you just want to crawl in the bed, but yet you want to honor her and you want to honor Harper. So do you remember how you dealt with?

Speaker 3: 14:27

that, yeah, yeah, I do, I, you know.

Speaker 1: 15:03

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3: 15:03

I do. I you know my childhood was a little bit difficult and just teenage years, all of that is is something that was difficult to navigate and it was always a thought in my head of like I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice to not get up and be on me, and I have to get up and I have to get on the horse, and if that means that I cry the entire time I'm riding, then I'm going to cry the entire time I'm riding. But I've got this little girl who this is what she wants to do, and if I tell her she can't quit, but I do, what am I showing her?

Speaker 1: 15:41

And so. I just have chills. I did too.

Speaker 2: 15:46

I mean it's just. I know I'm interrupting everything, but like you were to be in your first year and to hear those words, I mean that is a remarkable strength and I mean you are the true. That's what I was telling Michelle when we were after you and I had spoken a few weeks ago or whenever that was and was. You are the true definition of a warrior, I said, and I know how you and robin have the same tenacity and it's like, and she's a freaking rock star. I mean she in my eyes. Yes, like I said, the tenacity of it. So, anyway, I just want you to know that it's to be in that first year and to be able to say this and know this and live this. It's.

Speaker 1: 16:37

And it's really, it's really uncommon, you know, and I just Be proud of yourself. Yeah, be proud of yourself and and we know that those tears come, you know, and of course you're sad and all the time right.

Speaker 2: 16:53

And there's a question am I doing?

Speaker 1: 16:55

this right.

Speaker 2: 16:55

You are.

Speaker 3: 16:58

You know, everyone asks I'm sure you know this, it's the same question everybody asks you how are you doing? So I've just got this catchphrase and I'm actually working on a book because people think I can write and they're silly, but I'm going to do whatever. I guess I'm going to do it, but my phrase is I'm just here and that's just where I'm at. I'm physically and mentally, I am just here at. I'm physically and mentally, I am just here. And if you know, you know, if you have been through grief, then you understand that physically and mentally, that is all you. You're a warm body. Yeah, that is enough. And so, and it's okay to not be okay and to still get up and fix that breakfast and go to the events and smile and cry and be just here, because that's that's where you're at and um, you know, that was always my word in the first couple of years.

Speaker 2: 18:19

Really, was I exist? Yeah, I'm just existing in this day to day thing we call life.

Speaker 3: 18:27

And and I don't want to negate that there are moments that are happy and there are moments that are good, and still, in those moments, you have that guilt of wait, wait, something's missing. I shouldn't be happy, I shouldn't, I shouldn't be smiling because the world is going to look at me and be like well, wait, why are you? Why are you? And so I wrote on that a little bit. You know, america Ferreira did that whole Barbie monologue. That's super powerful and super amazing. And I wrote on.

Speaker 3: 19:08

You know, grief is like that and how you. You're supposed to be happy, but if you're too happy, then you're not missing your children. So don't always think that you've forgotten. And if you've forgotten, then you're bad, because how could you forget your child? And it's just.

Speaker 3: 19:26

It's that judgment from people who haven't been through grief and don't understand that this journey is a. We're just here and we are just existing. At the same time, though, just existing. At the same time, though, we are present in our families, and we are more present now than we were ever present before, because we are missing. We have this giant hole that we are trying to fill and trying to stuff, and there is nothing that we can stuff in there. There is nothing that is going to fill that up. We're going to make sure that our other children or our spouses or our people know that we're still here for them, because that's what we've got. It's all we've got, and I've also told people. You know, I'm just at this point. I'm also living a life that gets me to where I get to see her again.

Speaker 1: 20:36

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I, I still. I just want to go back to what you said about um. You know that that when we lose a child, that that we're more present than before, and I just want you to know that is not common. It's just like what Amy said, like that is really you, that is you tapping into some, something in your very core, tapping into who Emily was, who Harper is, who you are. I mean, that is, you know, it's not like I'm, you know, some grief expert other than I've lived the journey and watched all of us other warrior moms and I just hope you know that that is really, really special and your just your words. And you know, I love that you've taken that Barbie mantra and found a way to use that with grief. I mean, yes, that connects. That connects so strongly because the world does have a comment about how we should be doing this and um, and I think the yeah, they worry about.

Speaker 2: 21:52

What are they thinking If I'm laughing? What are they thinking? Do they think that I forgot? Like you said, it doesn't matter what they're thinking, because they have never been me.

Speaker 3: 22:01

They're lucky, they're the lucky ones, like you're the lucky one, and you know they say that the whole time. They're like I just can't imagine. I just know you can't, and that's okay, and that is okay that you can't. I'm so, I'm so happy for you. But you know you hear it when, when they walk away from you and they're like oh my gosh, did you? And and I just I take that on as I'm happy for you, like I'm happy that you get to walk away and you get to say all those things and you aren't walking away with that same heartache and that same hole and feeling the same way, like I am truly happy, Also jealous, yeah, but I wouldn't wish this.

Speaker 2: 22:58

No.

Speaker 3: 22:59

This is not a club that I'm like yeah, go on the water's.

Speaker 2: 23:04

Your initiation is too high.

Speaker 1: 23:07

Yeah, and I mean just in meeting you and getting to hear you talk about just your grief and Emily and Harper and I love Harper's too I'll give you a minute. That is so fierce. I'm going to embrace that in my life. I'm going to give myself a minute and then on I go. But you to me, you, just you, I'm a teacher and I just I mean you are this. It's like this is born in you to be this teacher. I mean you're, you're having these conversations with these people at the ballpark or at a, at the horse, you know rodeos and um, and you're, you're teaching them. You're teaching them about grief and that it, yeah, and it's about strength and it's also about crying and it's both of those and um, I just I, it's just, it's beautiful and I hate it for you and I, you know I hate it for Harper and but I'm so grateful, um, it's how strong you are.

Speaker 2: 24:17

It's a choice. Yeah, it's not. It's not just a gift that you have to keep going. You do make that choice to continue and to take a minute and then get back on the horse, literally get back on the horse.

Speaker 3: 24:32

There's been those days, yep, and one of our first outings after was the fair, was the fair, um, and that was oh, um, that was one of the hardest outings, um you know, it's that very first one of like love.

Speaker 3: 24:56

We love the fair and we go on all the rides and we do it together, um, me, my, myself and my three kids. Um, that has been our family, like that has been from the time the girls were born, or Emily was born. Um, she, like I said she was nine, from that time it was my son and my daughter, and then the third one came along and it was it was just all of us and um, and going to Dollywood and going, we, we would travel up to Missouri to see family, um, and it would just be me and the kids, and that's what we did. And so they wanted to go to the fair and so it was like, okay, I'm going to do this. So I said, and I warned them, I did say, okay, we're going to go to the fair, we're going to do this.

Speaker 3: 26:05

So I said, and I warned them, I did say, okay, we're going to go to the fair, we're going to do this. Mommy's going to cry the entire time, yeah, but we're going to do this. And I cried the entire time and I, you know, I thought about it and I was like you know, I wonder what people think. And I was like you know what. If they care, they'll ask, and if they don't, that's fine too.

Speaker 3: 26:30

Um and people looked but nobody asked and it was sad and bittersweet and my kids still laughed and they still enjoyed it and they still talked about their sister as if she was there. And we have an annual picture that we take at at the fair and I was going to scratch it and I was like you know what? Nope, we're going to do it Like we're going. We're going to not act like this is normal, because it's not, but we're also going to put some normalcy on it. This is what we do, this is who we are, and so, therefore, we're going to continue in our traditions and we can still remember how much fun we had with Emily and talk about the funny stuff that she did and what rides she loved, and in that way, she's still with us in all of the things, and so I never wanted to forget and I never want them to forget, and I think and I can't speak for you, but for me the the hardest and I'm going to cry on this one hardest part is thinking that you're the only one that's going to remember her.

Speaker 3: 28:08

Yeah, and because, like the flowers come and the food comes and but the flowers die, either gets eaten or thrown away, and the people will be there for a certain amount of time and it could be days or weeks or months or even, you know, maybe years, but at the end of the time those things go away. At some point those people move on with their lives and you don't really get to. You still have to remember, like graduations that are going to get to be attended and school year that doesn't get to start, and the kids, and so I was.

Speaker 3: 29:02

Just I decided from the very beginning two things One, I was never going to let my other children feel like they weren't a priority over the loss of their sister. And two, I was never going to let her be forgotten, and so she's honored, but she's still in our home, but my other kids are still seeing that they're priority.

Speaker 1: 29:48

That's beautiful, and we hear moms often that will come to Warrior Moms meetings and they'll talk about how, you know, they've stopped smiling and they can't. You know, they can't focus on their other children, and while that's normal too, you know, we know that we all grieve in different ways. I mean, just what a gift to give your children right away, like to go to that fair and then to tell them I'm going to cry and that's okay, and yet we're going to take this picture and that is really a gift. And they won't necessarily know that now, but they will for sure someday. As we sit and just look at you I'm looking at you in your purple hat, with your sweet Emily's picture on it and her purple cowboy hat and your purple shirt. Tell us, tell us about this, yeah, the significance of that.

Speaker 3: 30:49

So, as I had told you earlier, you know she, she loves the color purple and she got a purple cowgirl hat. So that girl would have worn that hat every single day if she'd have been allowed to. Um, she tried multiple times sneaking it to school and for any kind of character dress, that day she was wearing the hat boots. She actually um, she actually got spurs banned from her school because they found out it was a weapon oh my gosh yeah

Speaker 3: 31:33

purple. Purple is her color, um, her room is purple, her hat and any kind of wardrobe that she picked out would have to be purple. She, that was just that girl's color. So, um, with that, after her passing, um, and after the fog, I just thought that, um, she wanted to be a famous barrel racer and my job as her mom was to support her and to do whatever I could to make that happen. And I'm still going to do that, and she's still going to be a famous barrel racer, just not in the way that we had planned, not what it looked like.

Speaker 3: 32:29

So decided that starting a foundation in her honor to help other families, um, that are dealing with the same kind of tragedy that we went through of losing a child to a horse related accident, um, would be the best way to honor her. She, like I said, she was Cinderella, snow white, aurora, all of those loving type of people, and she, just she really had a gift of giving and wanted to give to people, and she, she ended up, um, she was an organ donor. So, funny enough, that was by her choice, Um, so she saw my driver's license one time and saw that it said organ donor, and asked me.

Speaker 3: 33:32

And so my duty to explain it to her is you know, when people pass, they are able to help other people. When I get a driver's license, I'm going to be an organ donor too. Wow. So when she passed away, Lifelink contacted and asked and we agreed, so she was able to help other people after she passed away as well.

Speaker 3: 34:02

Spirit and giving heart is just one of those things that I felt like we could continue to do, even after and you know, this is such a dark, catastrophic, desolate time. People that haven't gone through it can sit and try to be comforting, but they can't really, and so I just thought that there's another mom out there one day that's going to be in this position where they lose their baby to a horse-related accident, and if I can help them with paying a bill, being somebody they could talk to, and also with mental health for their family, then that's what we should do, and so we've just really started getting into it, um, this this month, and so we're waiting for it to grow bigger and bigger, but we are, we are looking into, um, you know, making this something that touches all 50 states, because there's people that ride horses in all 50 states and, unfortunately, there are people joining our club every day.

Speaker 1: 35:34

Yeah, if people want to find out more about Emily's foundation, how can they find out more about it?

Speaker 3: 35:45

Right now we have a Facebook page. It's the Purple Cowgirl Foundation. We're on Facebook. We're looking at getting a website set up. We're hosting clinics. We have our first clinic here in Resaca on June 8th at 1 o'clock. So we do safety awareness. We've been doing videos about every week on TikTok and Facebook just highlighting safety awareness around cattle and horses.

Speaker 3: 36:18

You know how to tie your horse correctly to um solid objects, how to um put your saddle on what you should check for gate safety, and that's my fiance and I. That's what we have been doing Him mostly. He does the hard work. He's been in the rodeo industry for 30 years. Many, many accolades. Very not to brag, but I'm going to brag. He is very talented. I called him and Emily just horse whispers. I don't know how they did it, they just could do it. And I get on and I feel like know how they did it, they just could do it. And I get on and I feel like I'm just blah. But other people look at me and go oh my gosh, you're a horse whisperer. And I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1: 37:17

You got to see these ones.

Speaker 3: 37:20

Look over there so he really does those videos and I'm just like the sidekick that's over here cheering him on like you. You did it good job. Let me put the mic on you. I'm the fan over here. Yeah, just fan girling and stuff. But, um, you know, we, we do those together and he, he has our itinerary for like 30 plus episodes. So I mean it's pretty amazing. He's amazing.

Speaker 1: 37:59

That's incredible, and incredible to do that in Emily's honor and so needed and helpful. And I mean that is that is like you said. She will be a famous barrel racer one way or the other and you're going to make sure she still gets to be that, so bless you for doing that.

Speaker 3: 38:19

Chokes me up too, I'm just leaking it's, I do it, I know it happens sometimes there's literally like holes.

Speaker 3: 38:31

I'm like I'm just leaking. It's fine, don't? Yeah, they're watching. They like look at you. Oh what set her off? And I'm like I, I don't even need to go into it with you, like, I like, and you guys know, it could be the simplest of things. You could just be looking out and then you start leaking and it's just like, yeah, that that breeze just got me today, it reminded me of something and you just don't know, but I have embraced the leaking.

Speaker 1: 39:04

Yeah, it's. I like to say that, you know, we live now in the and, and, like Amy said, one foot in the past, one foot in the present, one in heaven, one on earth, all the things. And we live in that right when we can experience grief and we can experience joy, experience grief and we can experience joy and um. You know, I, I think you're doing Emily so proud and that purple has um. You know, it resonates strength and um and beauty and fierceness and all the things that that Emily was. So that's incredible. Yes, oh, amy, you had something. Sorry, interrupted.

Speaker 2: 39:49

I was just going to say before I spoke, like I'm gonna put you on the spot here, but what did you do for Mother's Day? Oh, that was a conversation that we had.

Speaker 3: 40:01

So we did a video and you know, normally I start the videos out, but I decided that we should put the kids on the spot. So the kids, the kids did the video and and we hung out with some um, it was a very hard day, but again, it was just you don't? I say I don't get to have, I don't get to have hard days that keep me in bed, Um, because if I go do that, then I'm going to stay there and I can't stay there. I can't. I can have a moment, but I can't stay there. And that's what I've always told my kids Um, when they're having meltdowns, Okay, Go have a moment, but you can't stay there, Like you, you, you can't stay there. You can go and you can scream and you can whatever in your room and you can have your moment.

Speaker 3: 41:18

And when you're done, then we're going to come out and we're going to talk about it and we're going to work on it, and then we're going to be good, Like we're going to talk about it and we're going to work on it, and then we're going to be good, Like we're going to, we're going to be okay and and that's where I'm at with it of like um, I don't feel like I. I took a moment to just sit and quit. It was more like, okay, I'm going to sit here and then I'm going to get up, but then I got to get up and that's just. That's just every day. You got to sit and you got to get up.

Speaker 2: 42:02

So you recorded a video. We, I we did yes, so um all of it.

Speaker 3: 42:15

Yep, so it was. It was one of our safety awareness videos, and so we just asked the kids questions of what, what does it look like, um, um, to be a mom, or what's one word that you can describe about your mom. And we had, um, some of our friends. She went and, of course, made me cry because she was like. She said something along the lines of we asked her what's your favorite thing about your mom? Or something like that and she's sweet, she's nice and she loves and she is deserving of love.

Speaker 1: 43:19

And I was just like oh, I can't with you, an eight-year-old to say that yeah.

Speaker 2: 43:29

Did you take your minute?

Speaker 3: 43:30

and get back out there. I did, I did, and then my son ended it with um. It was like, what's the best thing about your mom? And um, he was like, or what? What's something that your mom can do that nobody else can do? And I was like, oh gosh.

Speaker 1: 43:52

Yeah, what's he going to say?

Speaker 3: 43:55

He's 15.

Speaker 1: 43:56

So yeah, I'm a high school teacher, I know that age.

Speaker 3: 44:03

I'm in the school system too, so I'm like, oh, okay, well, we can cut and delete this one. And he said and so this is what really got me. And I was like, okay, I really needed a moment on this one. He says she can lose a child and still be a good mom.

Speaker 1: 44:25

Oh my heavens.

Speaker 3: 44:28

And I was like wow, he nailed it.

Speaker 2: 44:34

But you don't think they are, but they're watching every day. What do you want?

Speaker 3: 44:40

Do you? You you're asking for a car. Is that what your husband is?

Speaker 1: 44:44

You've got it. You've got it. Oh my gosh, I mean, if he hasn't put to words exactly what you're doing that's amazing.

Speaker 3: 44:58

I don't know about that, but I was super proud of I am not was. I am super proud of all my kids. So I have two that are mine and two that are my bonuses. I say that, so I've got, those are mine. And then my kids' friends are mine. They all call me mom and some of them joke around and call me dad, because I do a lot of dad stuff. Yeah, cute, yeah, yeah. So, but, um, I'd have to say that I really admire my kids all four of them because they just show me, um, every day that they are strong and they they lost too, and especially my Harper. You know that was her best friend.

Speaker 3: 46:18

They, I call them litter mates, because I mean they were like this. I mean I never, I always heard that two sisters would hate each other and they could never be best friends. But these two, they were besties, my sisters too. They were so good together. But they are the bravest little people, Bravest broke little people that I know. I call them my broke best friends because, but they are the bravest little people that I know.

Speaker 1: 46:55

I love it. Well, let's, before we end, let's ask the same questions. But about Emily. So what? What are you know? Three words that you would say to describe her that we, you want us all to remember about her. Oh gosh, you can use more words, it's okay.

Speaker 2: 47:19

We don't count. She's not a math teacher, that's right. That's right.

Speaker 3: 47:24

I took algebra one this year. Everybody got A's Nice, Good, good. So I would have to say vibrant, tenacious and compassionate.

Speaker 2: 47:47

I love it.

Speaker 1: 47:48

What are?

Speaker 2: 47:48

some words that you would give to a newly breathed mom.

Speaker 1: 47:54

Like a piece of advice.

Speaker 2: 47:55

A piece of advice.

Speaker 3: 48:01

Be patient with yourself. It's okay to not be okay, and yourself, it's okay to not be okay. And oh, it doesn't get easier and it doesn't get better, it just gets different, and however your different looks, that's okay too.

Speaker 1: 48:40

Yes.

Speaker 3: 48:42

We all do it differently and there's not a book as much as people have shoved the books at you will shove the books at you. There's not a book that you can follow that says this is going to make it repairable. It's not repairable.

Speaker 1: 49:05

Nope, and it comes from great love. You know we say that. You know, of course you're going to, you're going to grieve deeply because that love is so deeply and there, just there isn't a word. That is that we have. That really represents how sad and painful it is to lose a little one. Um, and we're just so sorry, but, um, what a beautiful conversation we've had. And um, I've learned just so much. And um, I'm going to take away a lot with this and and um, and remember, remember Emily, um, and and take a little bit of Harper spirit with me too, that fierceness of your girls.

Speaker 2: 49:50

You get one minute, right yeah.

Speaker 3: 49:52

She's fierce. You can yeah, you can take a minute. You can take a minute.

Speaker 1: 49:57

That is precious. It is so precious, oh my gosh. Well, rebecca, so beautiful to talk to you and I look forward to talking to you again. Remind us again. So, facebook page, tell us again the name the Purple Cowgirl Foundation, perfect, and we will link that on the podcast, and our website is voyermomsme, and the podcast link will be there as well as, um, just information about you.

Speaker 3: 50:35

Yes, thank you, thank you so much, thank you so much. Thank you.