Warrior Moms: Surviving Child Loss
A club no one wants to be in because the initiation is too big of a sacrifice: the loss of a child. Unthinkable. Unimaginable. Warrior Moms is local group in north Atlanta filled with strong, courageous, funny, and fiercely loving women who are surviving and thriving amidst horrific grief.
This podcast features Amy Durham and Michele Davis, two of the Warrior Moms, who will guide listeners through their grief journey. Every fourth or fifth episode will showcase another Warrior Mom, the trauma they endured, stories about their beloved child, and tips on how they get out of bed every day.
Each and every Warrior Moms' story is different, the children and the loss is different, but one thing they share is the decision to live. They have figured out how to live life putting one foot in the past and the other moving forward. Yes, it's beyond awful. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's worth it. And yes, they say, you can survive child loss AND thrive.
Warrior Moms: Surviving Child Loss
Michele Davis' Reaction to Slater Nalley's American Idol Journey, Her Poem and His Song "Traces of You", and Their Duet: Ep 40
A remarkable transformation unfolds when heartbreak meets creativity. Michele Davis, co-host of Warrior Moms podcast and grieving mother, shares the extraordinary journey of how her poem about her son Carter became "Traces of You" - a song her student Slater performed on American Idol that's now touching millions of lives across America.
Michele reveals how she broke through her emotional writing block during a writing retreat, finding inspiration in the Greek myth of Daedalus and Icarus - another parent who lost a son. This breakthrough led to a poem exploring how we search for remnants of our loved ones in everyday moments - the fingerprints, both literal and figurative, that remain when someone is gone. When her student Slater transformed these words into music, neither anticipated how far their collaboration would reach.
The conversation delves into the complicated emotions of navigating both joy and profound grief simultaneously. Michele describes performing the song with Slater at their school, the physical exhaustion of grief, and how the American Idol platform has connected Warrior Moms with grieving parents nationwide who are reaching out for support. The hosts challenge the misconception that "time heals all wounds," emphasizing instead that healing requires intentional work, community, and the courage to find meaning amid loss. As Michele poignantly shares clips of the original poem alongside the song's impact, listeners witness how art can transform personal tragedy into collective healing.
Have you experienced loss? Listen as Michele and Amy demonstrate how sharing our grief stories creates connection and how, despite the pain, our loved ones were "worth every single breath." This episode offers not just comfort to those grieving, but insight for anyone seeking to support someone navigating loss.
Bonus: Listen to Michele Davis and Slater Nalley's duet of "Traces of You"
"Dream Bird" by Jonny Easton
The Living in Clarity Podcast, with Fish & CoachDo you want to live an awesome life and to also inspire others? Fish is a world...
Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify
Thank you for listening to Warrior Moms podcast. It is an honor to share about our beloved children gone too soon, and we hope by telling of our loss, it may help someone in their grief journey. Please note that we are not medical professionals and encourage those listening to seek help from mental health professionals.
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Website: https://www.warriormoms.me/
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With love,
Warrior Moms Amy & Michele
Hello and welcome back to Warrior Moms. I'm Michelle.
Speaker 2:Davis and I am Amy Durham and we are so glad y'all are back with us. We got a fun, fun thing today. Guys, as many of you may know or I think y'all do by now but Michelle has been on American Idol not as a contestant, but as a teacher of her sweet student Slater, who has written a song in honor of Carter.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And so we just want to pick Michelle's brain and kind of get the inside scoop on what it's been like, michelle oh my gosh, it's just.
Speaker 1:I mean, first of all, when he surprised me, I mean I had asked him how he turns a poem into a song, since I had written a song, or I mean a poem, for Carter, and in two weeks he had written his own version, which of course, now is the infamous Traces of you that people have heard. And it just is incredible. And then, once now this whole American Idol thing has began, it's just been an absolute whirlwind.
Speaker 2:I remember it was over a year ago. For some reason, I think it was like remind me. Like was it around January.
Speaker 1:It was actually the beginning of the school year Last year. Yeah, not this fall, but the fall of the school year Last year. Yeah, not this fall, but the fall of the school year. Yes, okay.
Speaker 2:That's when it all started. I just remember at Carter's lacrosse pickup game he sang it there. Yes, that's right, I remember him singing it there and that was in February, so I couldn't remember. That's right, Y'all have had a relationship for some time, yeah three years now, yeah. It's just so fun to watch, and I've heard about this child for years. Yes, a punk. I won't call him a punk. He's probably not a punk, he's a sweet kid.
Speaker 1:He's a sweet kid, a little wild child with a giant heart.
Speaker 2:Yes, he's still a teenage boy and all it's so exciting, it is With a giant heart. Yes, he's still a teenage boy in all avenues. It's so exciting it is. But so you wrote the poem and then asked him to show you how, and then he just took it and ran with it. Yes, it was so excited. I remember the whole process, yes, the bad telephone version of the song and I shouldn't say telephone version, but the you know, recording on the phone and listening to it. And just like I remember that whole process and people have asked me Amy, what was the poem Like? What's the original poem? Do you have that? Are you willing to share that with us?
Speaker 1:Sure, yeah, yeah, it was how it began, was? There's a story, a Greek mythology story? And we were reading lots of different pieces, of course, in the writing retreat and this one was based on the Greek mythology story of Deldalis, who is a father and he built these beautiful wings for he and his son and he glued the wings together, held them together with wax, and he said you know, we can fly with these wings. And he said told his son, you have to be careful. If you fly too close to the sun, you know the wings will fall off, you know the wax will melt. And the sun just got so excited and just kept flying closer and closer and he ends up falling to his death. And we had read this first person account from the dad's perspective and I hadn't been able to write. I had written journal entries to Carter, but not any creative writing at all and for some reason it was just Michelle is a writer and she is a creative writer, and this is who she is and has been for years.
Speaker 2:So for you not to be able to write was a big deal.
Speaker 1:It really was a big deal, and so, yeah. So this is the first thing that I wrote and that led right into Traces of you. So this was called. The Doubtless Curse is Mine, I wonder. Where I made doubtless as air, where I had crashed through a wall meant to keep me still. What was my flaw that melted over feathers. Despite my fearless solution, I too have cried my son's name without a returning sound. I too chatter like the partridge and get stuck in my muddy mire. Yet I cackle with joy that, even though the wings failed, icarus is still Daldalus's son and Carter is still mine.
Speaker 1:And then I had an epilogue. Didn't know I'd go to a cathartic place with my trembling pen in hand. I hadn't been able to write since Carter gained his wings, but this story broke through my silence, a blindness to the beauty I might find in the swirling sorrow. I'm now realizing one's blindness can give sight to those thrashing in the waves. Yeah, so that was that one. So after I wrote that we had some just space and time in the writing retreat, and just this idea popped into my head about having a song that was called Traces of you. I know all of us warrior moms, that you were just constantly looking really for their literal fingerprints, right, and the figurative ones of just what are the things that they love to do and how can we recreate kind of the essence of our kids, right? And so I imagined this song that all of us could listen to, and I would know it was for Carter, but everybody else could also feel Feel the feels.
Speaker 1:Yeah, feel the feels that they love it. Yeah. So here's my Traces of you. Traces of you. Wheels turn and trees blur. The moon leads my way. Yellow dashes keep rhythm, keep direction, despite being lost in the view, in thought, in love. Searching for traces of you. Blue eyes, mischief-filled, crooked smile, an athletic build gone too soon. Yet the room fills with pieces and prizes, all of you wishing my thoughts, my love could bring more than traces of you stuck in places and spaces, searching for you. Memories and photos seem frozen in time, absent and empty. No new memories with you. So I'll keep searching for traces of you. The world keeps turning while I miss you, photographs age and I've got nothing new. Love will push me through as I search for traces of you.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, like I've. I've heard it, I've read it, but it just hit me different today, did it? Yes, because it is. Is the traces it? There's traces everywhere. Like you know, alec is a brown bird, carter is a hawk.
Speaker 2:Yes, you know, other people have feathers and pennies and dimes and butterflies and dragonflies and everybody you know we look at like Christine and them, they have the number eight, robin and them have the number eight. You know numbers, you have an eight. You know it's just Butterflies and yeah, yes, and there are traces of you. You know it's just butterflies and yeah, and there are traces of you. You know, and Alex birthday is three, 14. So I'll see three, 14, ridiculous numbers of time. You know, just so it's it is. It's those little things, those little traces. They're everywhere If you just open your eyes and look for them.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely. And what is just so cool is, you know, slater took my words and the essence of you, know what the song was and he made it his own and, of course, came up with just this beautiful melody and chorus. And oh my gosh to know that the song is out there and doing exactly what I imagined it to do. I mean, I know, amy, you and I have read lots of people's comments on our Facebook or Instagram that are reaching out to the Warrior Moms and have just been so taken by the song.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, and I have friends all the time go. Oh, he's going far, oh, he's going, he's going, he's going, you know, and it is Now so everybody's taken back by the song and the story and all this. But how are you, how are you dealing with this? Because as much greatness and glory and goodness and excitement is in there, I know there's some heartache too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Just you asking that question. Of course I'm choking up thinking about it. Yeah, I've definitely had to do some good naps, spending some time just in bed and recuperating. It's just the physicality of grief even in the midst of just absolute joy, it's still the missing is just so incredibly heavy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's obvious that he's not there. Yeah, and he should be there, because I know that you and Jeremy and Greta, this is a huge celebration. Yes, you know, because it's such excitement. However, it's sadness that sits right on the other side of that grid, one of the things that's been really special.
Speaker 1:And, moving on top of all this, I was surprised we could have anything more touching. But my dad, for many years now, every Christmas he asks us girls. So I'm one of three sisters, and then I have a niece and, of course, our daughter Greta, one of three sisters, and then I have a niece and, um, of course, our daughter Greta, and he wants us all to pick a song and we have to sing it to. You know, my family, um, and that's my dad's Christmas present. And we weren't together. We've got, you know, I love the lyrics Every minute of it, yeah, but we weren't together this Christmas.
Speaker 1:And so I thought, oh my gosh, how cool would it be if I asked Slater if we could sing Traces of you together, and that would be my dad's birthday present. And so we were over at the Nally's last week and Slater was playing some songs, you know, of songs he might play in these upcoming American Idol events and such, and I had asked him would you be willing to do that? And so we jumped in and I can harmonize, and it was so much fun. So, yeah, I'll let the audience hear and dance. You can tap, dance and sing. Well, I can do a jig anyway, right?
Speaker 2:You don't know that it's a full on tap dance performance. Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1:So it was really special. So we sang then at his house and then the assistant head of school had asked Slater and I to speak at the middle school, and so we put together. He and Slater's girlfriend put together a presentation and they included Carter's picture on it. And Slater was like gosh, miss Davis, let's sing this at school. And I was like, oh, my heavens, I was so nervous.
Speaker 2:He's one of all your students and soon to be students. It was middle school students.
Speaker 1:So it was like okay, well, you know that that felt a little better, cause I don't, you know, I don't teach any of them. And then the high school found out and they were doing a sendoff for Slater on that next day and Slater's like come on, ms Davis, you know let's do this school and um, so I did and that's what the I know you were, I know you were a nervous wreck about it.
Speaker 2:I did, and that's what the audio is. I know you were a nervous wreck about it. I was. Which one were you more nervous about? The first one at the middle school or the one with the high school, where all your students are?
Speaker 1:Yes, the one with the high school. But what's so powerful is and I'll post one of the videos or two of the videos on our website, but on the huge screen behind us was one of Carter videos, or two of the videos on our on our website, but, um, on the huge screen behind us was one of Carter's senior pictures, and so while we were singing this, I mean, kids were crying, teachers were crying, um, and it was just pure joy for me to get to sing with Slater. And even on the parts where we're singing in uniform unison, it's amazing, you can hardly tell our voices apart. They just blend together so well. So that was so much fun. But the second I finished, I practically ran off the stage because I was shaking and I knew I was just going to start bawling.
Speaker 1:I just had to get off stage quickly, because it's exactly what you said. It's both joy and such deep sorrow, all at the exact same time.
Speaker 2:All at the exact same time, which is physically exhausting.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely, but I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't change it for the world. It's amazing.
Speaker 2:No, it's just, we have to keep going. Yeah, and and the thing is, is that it's it's? It's creating so much goodness out there. You know, this is goodness for Sweet Slater to be able to create art music, you know, and launch his career yes, so to speak, and he's go ahead.
Speaker 1:No, and and he was so sweet that night. And they go ahead, no, and, and he was so sweet that night, you know he was asking, you know he's so just thoughtful all their, their family is. And he was right, yes, and he was asking me and my husband just exactly what you asked how are you really feeling about all this? My husband was saying it's. You know he's a lot more private than I am and that this has been a really hard thing for him. And Slater says you give me the word and I'm shutting this whole thing down. And he sincerely means it. And I said, slater, I don't think we can shut this down. He goes oh, yes, yes, we can. Here he is in the midst of just all this great attention and so forth, and he sincerely means it, and he says it every time we're together, that he never, you know, wants to have it overshadow, that this is in Carter's memory and you know it's just incredible.
Speaker 2:So it's an honor, it is in Connor's memory and it's in honor of you too and the relationship and the goodness that you pour into your students. I mean normal people, mean people, ungrateful people don't have that connection with someone else to be able to have something so beautiful come out of it, and that's a testament to you and it is a testament of you know how you keep going and showing that there is goodness in the world, even though such a horrific, horrific event happened.
Speaker 1:Well, and what I said to the students in the middle school because they didn't know the story of Carter and so forth, and I just said that this song, for me, is so important because every single human carries grief and we all, whether we've lost somebody you know to death or it's just they're not no longer in our life we're constantly seeking those little traces and connections to the people that we love and, if we can, if this brings that conversation you know into the world that grief is part of all of our lives and it's okay to share it and to talk about it and to feel both joy and sorrow, right.
Speaker 2:Well, and to kind of change the tone a little bit, there's people everywhere that has grief, that live in grief day in and day out, and that's something that us with Warrior Moms, we find comfort in having our community that share the same grief of child loss. Yes, we're learning. We knew this before. We're not learning it. It's not new information that there are people out there that have lost children, that don't have connections to someone else to help them get out of bed every day.
Speaker 2:They think that it's going to be like this forever. They're going to be sad for the rest of their lives and there is no joy. And I love the fact that it's giving I don't want to say us and Avenue, but it is giving a sight into what a warrior mom really is. Yeah, and that it's because we've had people because you were on American Idol and because of Carter story and because of Slater honoring Carter and you, it's opened up doors to women all over America that are reaching out saying I have lost my child. You know, I lost my child two months ago.
Speaker 2:I lost my child three years ago. I want to start a warrior mom's group here in my town, and that, to me, is God putting his hands right in there and stirring it all up and bringing good. Yes, and it's good In a different way that was not expected.
Speaker 1:Right and I think that has been such a powerful lesson. I know, amy, you and I feel it so much is just, you know you get a little tug to do something, whether it's somebody's asked you, um, you know, just like when I put out there, hey, if anybody wants to do the podcast, um, and you just jumped in Right and um, it's that ability to just lean in and allow God to use you and and move through us and we're, you know, we didn't know what, what we were doing, we didn't know how to plug in a microphone, michelle, we didn't know how to turn on the soundboard, I mean.
Speaker 2:But that's life, and that's the life of grief is you just put one foot in front of the other and you just go. And that's what I try to tell people. You know some people you know this is a grand gesture of you know a song written about your child and you get to share him on a huge stage, but that it doesn't have to be that grand.
Speaker 1:No, and it just be speaking your child's name to someone and it's amazing because, yes, we've heard from moms, but I have heard from dads. I got this incredible email last week from a dad who had lost his son just seven months ago and just how this song touched him and then other people who it hasn't been a child, it's been a mother, it's been a father and a sibling, and I just love that. We're getting to talk about grief and um, and and also the honest part that you do have to do the work and you do have to lean in, and and time does not heal.
Speaker 2:Time does not heal all wounds. Time does not heal it. You have to put the effort in to make yourself get out of bed yes, and you know. Or to put the laundry in the dryer?
Speaker 1:Yeah, some days you have to put yourself in bed so that you then can do the laundry the next day, or whatever it is.
Speaker 2:Exactly and figuring it out. That's the hard part, but it is worth it. Yes, yeah, and our it out, that's the hard part, but it is worth it. Yes, and our kids were worth it All this grief, our kids were still worth every minute we had with them. Well maybe not every single minute. Some of them were not great because we both had teenagers at some point, but it is, they were worth every single breath.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's so true. Yes.
Speaker 2:And I will continue to look for traces of Alec and you'll continue to look for traces of Carter, and I want our listeners to listen for that.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I'll post Traces if you do at yes, I will post some of these videos on my bio page on our warriormomsme website and so you can find that there, and the poem is on there as well and so you can read that and, yeah, it's just a little treasure for me, for sure, and we are just so grateful for the interest in Warrior Moms and our podcast, and Amy and I are just so humbled by all of you listeners.
Speaker 2:Yes, we are. Thank you all for listening and for coming back every week and listening to more. Yeah, until next time. Until next time. Thank you guys, bye.
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