What a beautiful interview we had with Anna Howard, lovingly referred to as "Annie" in her early years. Her wisdom is beyond her twenty-three years and shares important advice for other siblings who have lived losing their beloved sibling. For Annie, she lost her best friend, Ashley.
This episode Annie, a successful, young hairdresser, tells her grief journey weaving threads of loss, remembrance, and healing.
Annie shares what helped her through the first 3-5 years, one being Kate's Club, a safe place for kids who have lost a sibling or parent to share their sorrow as well as learn how to cope...knowing they are not alone. Here, Annie discusses the transformation grief forces a child to go through; for her, the traumatic boat accident and loss of Ashley turned her "into a shell of herself." Yet, now years later, Annie is once again outgoing and finds strength in her own voice.
We are so thankful to Annie and how she bravely peels back the layers of her personal struggles with faith, her protective instincts in times of trauma, and the way loss entwines with everyday interactions—be it with family or clients in her hairdressing chair.
Annie's courage offers a hope to us moms, wanting to hear what helps our surviving children. She also offers clear advice to other siblings that it is "ok to cry" and shares her belief in the subtle signs that keep the memory of Ashley ever-present, from digital frames to conversations with her nephews to noticing butterflies or a "fat bird" nearby.
Join us for a heartfelt testament to the enduring impact of sibling loss and Annie's profound comfort found in Ashley's continued presence.
"Dream Bird" by Jonny Easton
Thank you for listening to Warrior Moms podcast. It is an honor to share about our beloved children gone too soon, and we hope in telling of our losses, it may help someone on their own grief journey. Please note that we are not medical professionals and encourage those listening to seek help from mental health professionals.
We'd love to hear from our followers! Website: https://www.warriormoms.me/ Facebook: Warrior Moms-The Club No One Wants to Be In Instagram: WarriorMoms.SurvivingChildLoss
What a beautiful interview we had with Anna Howard, lovingly referred to as "Annie" in her early years. Her wisdom is beyond her twenty-three years and shares important advice for other siblings who have lived losing their beloved sibling. For Annie, she lost her best friend, Ashley.
This episode Annie, a successful, young hairdresser, tells her grief journey weaving threads of loss, remembrance, and healing.
Annie shares what helped her through the first 3-5 years, one being Kate's Club, a safe place for kids who have lost a sibling or parent to share their sorrow as well as learn how to cope...knowing they are not alone. Here, Annie discusses the transformation grief forces a child to go through; for her, the traumatic boat accident and loss of Ashley turned her "into a shell of herself." Yet, now years later, Annie is once again outgoing and finds strength in her own voice.
We are so thankful to Annie and how she bravely peels back the layers of her personal struggles with faith, her protective instincts in times of trauma, and the way loss entwines with everyday interactions—be it with family or clients in her hairdressing chair.
Annie's courage offers a hope to us moms, wanting to hear what helps our surviving children. She also offers clear advice to other siblings that it is "ok to cry" and shares her belief in the subtle signs that keep the memory of Ashley ever-present, from digital frames to conversations with her nephews to noticing butterflies or a "fat bird" nearby.
Join us for a heartfelt testament to the enduring impact of sibling loss and Annie's profound comfort found in Ashley's continued presence.
"Dream Bird" by Jonny Easton
Thank you for listening to Warrior Moms podcast. It is an honor to share about our beloved children gone too soon, and we hope in telling of our losses, it may help someone on their own grief journey. Please note that we are not medical professionals and encourage those listening to seek help from mental health professionals.
We'd love to hear from our followers! Website: https://www.warriormoms.me/ Facebook: Warrior Moms-The Club No One Wants to Be In Instagram: WarriorMoms.SurvivingChildLoss
With love, Warrior Moms Amy & Michele
Speaker 1:
Hello and welcome back to Warrior Moms. I'm Michelle.
Speaker 2:
And I'm Amy, and we are very excited to be here today with a very special guest. We're continuing the Sibling Series and we've got Miss Annie Howard. Her mom, christy Howard, was with us on episode 18, telling the story of her daughter, which is Annie's older sister.
Speaker 1:
Ashley, ashley, yes, and we're so glad you're here.
Speaker 2:
Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. Yes, we're so excited.
Speaker 1:
Well, first just tell us a little bit about you.
Speaker 3:
So I am 24 now and I'm a hairdresser in downtown Roswell. So fun, just trying to just live in my life. Yeah, I love it. Um career gal already.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, right out of high school, so that's awesome. Um, so let's just jump in. Tell us about your relationship with Ashley, who was Ashley to you she was.
Speaker 3:
My biggest role model still is mm-hmm. I always it was really just me and her in the house during the ages. I can remember because my brother was in college, my other sister was in college, so I was sister was in college, so we were very close. Yeah, we still had our petty arguments.
Speaker 2:
We were sisters.
Speaker 3:
We were sisters, we still were very close.
Speaker 2:
What was your age difference?
Speaker 1:
Five years. Okay yeah, my sister's next sister is four years. And we're super close too, yeah, well, good, so take us to that terrible day so what I can remember and um, how old were you at this time?
Speaker 3:
I was 10. Okay, I just turned 10 because it was june, so, ashley was 15 so she was 15, about to turn 16, that year, and I was just. I just turned 10 yeah, um, so I was a baby 10 and um, we were out with one of her friends.
Speaker 3:
We're a tube in and everything seemed pretty normal and yeah it was an amazing day, we had so much fun and then, um, it happened, and it's just um she fell off the tube. I fell off and I saw it warned her she went under and that was it Got hit by another boat. Yes, she got hit by a pontoon boat. Oh, my heavens it was just awful.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and do you when you think of that day. Is it just a blur, or are there moments that you a blur or are there moments that you?
Speaker 3:
there's some significant moments. Um, like I remember um getting on because my sister's friend, she called her parents and so we parked our boat, got on their boat and I remember talking to the cop sitting on um her boat and it was just, it's like little snippets, not really anything flowy.
Speaker 3:
Um, I do remember that we ended up going back to her house my sister's friend's house and um I got changed and everything and my aunt picked me up and I was with my aunt for the until, yeah, all the hospital days I was with her and with my cousin and they lived in town too they actually lived closer to lake lanier than they do where we currently live in alfreda and so, oh my gosh, I'm so glad you had your aunt, did you?
Speaker 2:
during those days.
Speaker 3:
Do you remember much of what, what y'all did during those days, or anything I remember so we, I do remember sleeping in the bed with my aunt kim and my cousin, okay, and then I remember just honestly, those days full of laughter and stuff like that, and we would go to the hospital. I would see my sister, right, but, um, my aunt and uncle did a very great job distracting.
Speaker 3:
Yes, because if I just, and you probably, couldn't really comprehend all the details of what was happening and yeah, I, it was a baby, 10 year old, trying to understand death it was yeah, and that was my first like actual face-to-face with death.
Speaker 2:
Yeah absolutely, and it wasn't a definitive at age 10. It's not a yeah, it's not a, it's so abstract.
Speaker 1:
I mean you can't, you can't exactly figure out what that means. Yeah, oh, my goodness. Well, let's go to a happier moment for a second. So you know, you remember those first couple days, as you know, strangely beautiful, right, it's this happy, joyful time. What were some of those like? Maybe memories that you know, when your family would get together and talk about Ashley?
Speaker 3:
So we started doing okay so on her birthday every year for the past 14 years. Yeah, no, 13 years. We do Don't Unsettler Tree. I love it. So my sister was a huge pony girl, everything about that pony. I remember going to the barn. I remember not wanting to be there.
Speaker 2:
I remember wanting to go home. It smelled bad, right, exactly.
Speaker 3:
But again, I would give anything to go back there. But at Willis Parker Quest Union Center we have a tree in honor of her and so we do strawberry sprinkled donuts every year. And long story with that one it's. My sister used to go to school at Kings Ridge and we had a wonderful person who was our receptionist and she would always save ashley a strawberry sprinkled donut. So that kind of that became her face favorite and I was like that's her favorite. So right, kind of continue that tradition. I love throughout the years. That's so darling. I love like I always talk about her Always. I've talked to her with clients sometimes.
Speaker 2:
And it's just.
Speaker 1:
That was one of. That was one of our questions was you know, as you've moved from this 10 year old self to now you know almost 24, you talk about her. How do you get that strength? A lot of people shy away from that and, just you know, even say I have two siblings rather than three.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, so it really depends on what clients in my chair Like. I have some clients that I've told a story to and some that I haven't. But there is this one and she's the sweetest lady ever and she lost her husband and so I shared Ashley and we had like a very deep, like God conversation and it was amazing and I remember talking about Ashley like through high school and stuff like that, and a lot of people would be like I don't get how you're so good at talking about it, Like yeah, just tear me up. And I'm like I had a lot of help and support.
Speaker 1:
A lot of practice.
Speaker 3:
The ages of 10, to every day every day.
Speaker 2:
I mean, I still get it.
Speaker 3:
Yes, um, but one of the biggest factors of why I can smile and talk about her and this is the organ donation is that was a huge part of her story and that's a huge part of the story I tell about her.
Speaker 1:
Um, I just think it's amazing yeah, tell us about that, in case others haven't listened to your mom's so my mom knows all the detail.
Speaker 3:
So please go listen to my mom's episode. Um, I do know, like the one that's stuck in my brain is um, she gave her heart to an eight or nine year old girl in Indiana, wow, which at that time I was 10. Yeah, so we would be around the same age. Oh my gosh, it just gives me full chills.
Speaker 3:
I know and um, wow, I've actually been working on trying to reach out to her and seeing how how she is and everything like that, and I know it's just kind of like a little piece of Ashley still out there.
Speaker 1:
Yes, absolutely. Oh my gosh, wouldn't that be amazing? Yes, I agree that would be so cool. You said there's, so the organ donation is so important part of the story. I know you were really involved in Kate's Club Tell us about the importance of that.
Speaker 3:
Now, kate's Club is one of the biggest impacts of my life through this story. When I went to Kate's Club, I didn't talk to anybody Anybody who knows me now I'm a very talkative person. I didn't, I was a shell and throughout Camp Good Mornings and Kate's Club is this organization where if you've lost a sister, brother, a mother or a father or any guardian that's really really close to you, you can come this from ages I want to say the youngest right now and I could be totally wrong but seven years old to 18 year old, and I went from 10. I can't remember how many years that was that I went, but it was. It's very impactful because you're not alone.
Speaker 1:
That's the biggest thing, isn't it? And it's.
Speaker 3:
Oh, I can say this, and somebody next to me will understand me, and nobody that hasn't had this won't think of a certain way about this statement.
Speaker 1:
And it's just like having an unspoken um bond between other people.
Speaker 2:
Absolutely, oh, I can only imagine and it's amazing and this is kind of getting into a different same topic, but different of course, but it's. You have your parents there to talk to, but, of course, being a mom is different than being a sibling. Exactly, y'all have a different bond. You have a huge loss, but it's different than your mom's loss. It's different than your dad's loss and it's even different than your older siblings loss, because y'all were so close.
Speaker 3:
Exactly, and they were, they weren't there.
Speaker 2:
They weren't there.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, I was the only one that truly saw everything that happened.
Speaker 1:
Yes, oh, my goodness, so, so hard when you think of those you know first, how long would you say before? Like I don't know for me personally, like I say like, oh gosh, I remember when I kind of came out of the cloud, you know, kind of out of this gray. Do you remember that, like as a child, where all of a sudden it was like you were in a new space where you, you know, you talked about you being a shell, when all of a sudden you found your voice again.
Speaker 3:
I would say would say middle school, like late middle school, early high school really, because I have dyslexia and ADHD so I've jumped around different schools.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I think honestly, like I'm still working on coming out of the clouds- the question I have for you is when you say that you were you didn't talk to anyone A shell, really you were a shell. What explain that to me?
Speaker 3:
So I was a very talkative little kid. I would not stop talking, yeah. But as I was trying to process, like what was going on and everything, I kind of became more to myself and more to the family and the people like I know I can trust, more than strangers or like other kids or like a complete extrovert to it To an introvert, basically. And then I had to find my way back to who?
Speaker 1:
you really were and it was just. Was it just time, would you say yeah? That did that time and support Probably a lot of work, though.
Speaker 3:
It was definitely a lot of work. I had a lot of faith work to do too, oh gosh, yes. That I'm still trying to build my relationship up with him, with God and everything, and it's because at that point, when that happened with Ashley, I hated him. Why wouldn't you? I was like, oh okay, so you're wonderful and everything, but you just killed my sister. Right, I can't, we get it. Yeah, I can't follow someone that has.
Speaker 1:
Yeah exactly, and it does, it shakes you to your core. I remember one pastor said to me God can handle your anger, god can handle your questions.
Speaker 3:
And um, that too, though was hard to under, you know, it was still hard to wrap your head around all of it and as a 10 year old I can't imagine yeah, Cause it was just like Sunday school said that stuff, so I didn't know a lot about him. And like starting high school and now like I've really gotten into that faith journey and making it stronger with me and kind of understanding, like okay, so this happens for this and this and this.
Speaker 1:
So yeah, when you think about those first you know couple years in school, like for my daughter, she doesn't have memory of those first two years of school. How is it? Is it similar? Is it different?
Speaker 3:
So actually, if you go back and listen to my mom's podcast she mentioned that I was I turned myself into a puppy, yeah, which she came home after doing that podcast. It goes do you remember this?
Speaker 2:
And I go?
Speaker 3:
no, not at all. Do you remember it now? I remember it now that she said I remember sitting underneath the teacher's desk. I remember like being a puppy. Yeah, I remember it and it's kind of crazy now because I'm like I kind of may just kind of close that those memories into a box yeah, because I guess for me. They were too traumatizing to protecting yourself. Yeah, yeah, so, yeah. So I know, when mom said that, I was like, oh, I mean, it does sound like me, yeah.
Speaker 1:
Well, and I think that just shows just how shattering an experience of losing a sibling, losing a child, is.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, because she was my best friend, yeah, still is, but she at that point was I would go annoy her and her friends just to hang out with her.
Speaker 2:
Like typical, typical little sister.
Speaker 1:
Yes, I love it. Um, well, one of the things that you know you had said. So you're a hairdresser. Um, how do you talk about even just with new coworkers, or you know? Do you bring it up? Do you talk about it with um friends? You know, as you're, you know you're meeting new people that don't know the story.
Speaker 3:
I, that's actually one of my favorite things to do, um. So I have a couple co-workers all my co-workers know, all my bosses know, because I'm very open about it like I'll, I'll let you know um, and I have some co-workers that are like I have all my co-workers are super supportive, um, but I have some that I can go to and just be like hey, I need to sit with you for a moment, I just need to something happen, I just need to do this, yeah. And then I have clients, um, that come in and it'll be a brand new client sitting in my chair and for some reason, it's just just God led that she just like I had one that just started crying and, of course, you know me, I'm like tell me what's wrong.
Speaker 2:
What's up?
Speaker 3:
Because we're not just hairdressers.
Speaker 2:
You're safer than a bartender. We are.
Speaker 1:
We're therapists, absolutely.
Speaker 3:
We're like the only people that do like an all around self check with everyone and um, and we just sat there and just had like a big God moment and I was kind of spilling into my next appointment and I was like, all right, thank you so much. And then she rebooked with me and it was like now I see her every four weeks.
Speaker 1:
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3:
Um, but it was, I feel it out, because there are some people who just want to come and relax yeah Right, that's cool. And then there's some that need to have a conversation. There's some that's just like, can we just sit here?
Speaker 2:
And I'm like yes, and don't speak, just massage my head.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1:
I'm blood drawn my hair again, please. Yeah, those are the best when you think back to those first couple of years. What was? Are there some difficult moments, like with your mom and dad, like seeing them go through that grieving process, or is that part of the blur?
Speaker 3:
A little bit of both. So I had my aunt, heidi, my mom's sister. She, my mom told me that she was like my best friend at that time, which now, like re-talking about this and thinking about it more, like I remember it, and I think she's the one that kind of shielded me and let mom and dad kind of grieve on the side and like helped me grieve and that stuff. But like as I grew up and stuff I mean we just kind of all grieved together.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 3:
I mean, there's times where I go sit in the living room and I'm just like I can't do this today.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, it's a sad day I can't people today?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I can't be an adult we do that I can't people today, I'm done. I used all my energy at work. Yes, I'm done. Yeah, I love hearing you say that. Yeah, because as moms, we do that. Like I just can't do this today, like I can't, I used all my energy at school today or at work today or wherever, and it's just I don't know.
Speaker 3:
It's refreshing to hear that that you're taking that time for yourself, and that you gift that, and there's a lot of times where my uh coworkers are like oh, we're going to have this tonight, like do you want to come with us? And I'm like, honestly, y'all, I need to go to church.
Speaker 2:
Like I need to go to church or I need to go home and be by myself Like I, I just I need a minute, yeah, and they're like, okay, but you are so extroverted. I mean still just the minute I've met. The first time I met you at your, you know, one of the one of your mom's meetings, you came in afterwards and took our picture and you just, you just have a glow Like you have a happiness to you and it's, it's amazing to believe how far you've come, knowing that you were a puppy under the desk to now. It's crazy. I know it's a lot of work, I know it didn't just happen.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, I had a lot of work between my therapist and my therapist did tremendous work with me and I still go see her once in a while just to give her a little life update.
Speaker 2:
I'm like, hey, what's up? Yeah. I might need you next week, but right now.
Speaker 3:
I'm good Right now. I'm good.
Speaker 2:
I don't want you to forget about me. Right, exactly, so what do you contribute? Like therapist kate's club? Is there anything else that you did for yourself?
Speaker 1:
to help or that your family did.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, um, kate's club was a huge one, um, but also like really, kate's club and my therapist yeah, it's really what Kate's Club and my therapist.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 3:
It's really what I can remember and my parents' support. I mean, I was a little rebellion. I was a rebellion Rightfully.
Speaker 2:
I mean, you have permission yeah, you know and it's, and I'm sure your mom felt the same way. You have permission, but oh, dear Jesus give me give me something, please, right, yes, so like Kate's Club, did you voluntarily go there? How did that? How did that transpire?
Speaker 3:
honestly, I think my mom was like all right, get in the car, you're going to a camp today. And I was like okay, like I was just like okay whatever.
Speaker 3:
I know I'm like I kind of love camps and that's yeah and I guess when the first couple times that I went there I was very like to myself, I grabbed to the adults more than the kids. I bet they all, I bet a lot of kids do. The director, who is still the director there, deborah Brooks um, I hope I said the name right. Last name um, she I still go see her like, because now I volunteer because, say, don't you work. The last name she I still go see her Like, because now I volunteer Because say don't you work at the camps?
Speaker 2:
now sometimes I do.
Speaker 3:
Yes, I love that I started going back after like I got my career down pat and I could add more things to my schedule, I was like Kate's Club needs to be one of the one top of the list. Yeah, because I feel like my work through my story and everything is helping other people through it Absolutely. And I had this one camp and I was helping out a kid and then after hours, when the kids were asleep, the adults are always up, we're always up doing the meetings or getting ready for tomorrow.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, and I'll share a story with you. I had a, um, a male camper. That was because our camps are like female, male, like back and forth and so he was sitting outside and he he looked sad. So me, I was like. I walked up to him. I was like, hey, is everything okay? Like are you good?
Speaker 3:
yeah, and we sat there and turns out, his brother died in 2010 and he's just now dealing with it, wow, and I was like it's just and it was an adult counselor it was adult, yeah and it was. We stayed up till one o'clock talking, oh my gosh. And the next morning at breakfast he came to me. He goes. I have to say thank you and I was like for what? Yeah, this is what this whole place is about, is healing each other.
Speaker 2:
So, yeah, thank you, but you're good right now it is, I mean it is.
Speaker 1:
God's work?
Speaker 2:
mm-hmm, it truly truly is, and even though we're mad at him a lot of the days, it he does beautiful things, he does well and and you're listening yes, you're allowing yourself just to be you and not be afraid of I mean.
Speaker 1:
Grief is hard to talk about and you know a lot of people could see him sitting there and go. Oh gosh, that's going to be a hard conversation.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, let's just leave him to be by himself.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, he just wants to be by himself, and yet you asked if you know.
Speaker 2:
You walked into the mess. I don't want the mess about it.
Speaker 1:
I did you you ran to the mess and that's what I love is that I'm running away from the mess, yeah I love that when you think about advice, is that one of the big pieces or is there other advice, like in terms of going through this process for other siblings?
Speaker 3:
advice that I give the kids at kids club is it's okay to cry, because that was my biggest thing. I didn't want to show weakness, I didn't like I I do I didn't want to do anything with emotions.
Speaker 3:
I was so shut like I didn't want to do anything and, um, I had this little girl and she was kind of the same way. And the night we do this luminary walk where we make bags of our loved ones and we walk the last night and it's the first lap is respectful. The second lap you can sit down and grieve and you can be out there all you want.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 3:
And if you need support, then we're here. If not, if you want to cry with yourself over here, if you want to go to the gym and play games, you can do that. Yeah, but it's just the advice that I would definitely give kids that are 10 and to even now is it's okay to feel your emotions, it's okay to live in it, but it's not okay to keep living in it, to stay there.
Speaker 2:
To stay there.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, because that is not what your loved one wanted. Ashley did not want me, and my mom and my dad to be.
Speaker 1:
oh, she's gone. No, she wanted us to get off our butts and go. She's gone. No, she wanted us to get off our butts and go live our lives.
Speaker 2:
Yeah 100%.
Speaker 3:
And I had a conversation with a little girl about God and it was kind of like a just like, why did he take my mom? Why did he take my mom? And I had that conversation with her and I went outside and she went to bed and I called my mom and I was like how am? And I went outside and she went to bed and I called my mom and I was like how am I able to do this? Yeah like I was sobbing. Like I was sobbing.
Speaker 1:
I was like how am I able to do this? And she goes you have your angel right there.
Speaker 3:
Oh, like you know, I was like and immediately I was like you're right?
Speaker 2:
of course I do, I do. I'm questioning you too how are you able to do this, Like, how are you doing this? This is so. I don't know that I could do that.
Speaker 1:
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:
I mean, it's just, it's beautiful. Yeah, I have such an admiration.
Speaker 3:
I grew up in it yes. I did.
Speaker 2:
This is all you know.
Speaker 3:
Mm-hmm, Really, I love helping people and it's like that that's your heart. It's always been my heart. I've always wanted to help somebody in some way.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 3:
And I feel like that came out when I was a little kid like a tiny little kid too, yeah, and like to now, like I'll help you with your hair.
Speaker 2:
And if you want to talk about your emotions while we're doing your hair.
Speaker 3:
we can do that too, yeah.
Speaker 2:
So the advice that you would give 10-year-old you, 13-year-old you, 16, 13 year old you, 16 year old you it's all the same.
Speaker 3:
It's all the same, keep pushing yeah it will get better. You'll have days where you want to lay in bed and crawl and knock it out, but it will get better yeah, yeah, it's softer in some way, like the pain of it all.
Speaker 1:
Um last, and kind of thinking about ashley again. Um what, what are ways that you celebrate Ashley still today, like, um yeah, we see your tattoo.
Speaker 3:
So, um, for my 18th birthday, I kind of semi gave my mom an ultimatum. I was like I'm going to get your tattoo, cause my mom has the. My mom has the original print, so she has. Um, for those who are listening, it's my sister's name and then I have a little bird right above the y.
Speaker 3:
Um, the original print has a heart going off of the y and the xoxo, and that's what my mom has um the story around mine is I have the exact same handwriting, but I wanted a bird because for some reason, um, my dad just started calling Ashley fat bird and it was like the cutest thing. She was not like, I don't know she was tiny, right she was here. Yeah, like she, that's. That was their nickname for each other. So I was like, can I take fat bird? And she goes. Yeah, that's fine and so um, so mine has that and it's.
Speaker 1:
I got it when I was 18.
Speaker 3:
I got told mom and I was like all right, like I really really want this, yeah, and I think my mom was thinking like, okay, I might as well put my input in this yeah, before it's gonna happen, I go out and do it yeah yeah, um, but ours on the same hand, same place, yeah, um. So I honor her that way and then then I always have her on my mind, always. She's always in my phone. She's always when I wake up in the morning.
Speaker 3:
There's pictures of her like pictures of us, like I'm a very big picture person. She's never hidden in our house. She's always around when I have a niece and nephew, two adorable little children adorbs um they know the story yeah
Speaker 3:
they know who she is. There's. We have um got my mom one year for some holiday. It was a picture frame that changes pictures, oh yeah one of those digital ones and, um, she's in it, she's in it. And one time will was like oh, there's aunt ashley. And then like started to go back and play and it kind of took me back. I was like you're right, that is Aunt Ashley.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, like we don't. Yeah, it's part of life, it's part of the fabrics.
Speaker 3:
She will always be talked about and always be shared.
Speaker 2:
I love that. I think that's what it is healing thing that we talk about them. They are still present every day and every month I mean it.
Speaker 3:
Just just because you can't see them doesn't mean they were not whispering in your ear. No, and there's days where I'm like all right, I hear you, ashley stop, I hear you.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, my son like his bug bites. I think he just bites me, he's a mosquito just biting me all the time.
Speaker 3:
We have a symbol of butterflies. Oh yes, we have butterflies in our backyard and everything. And I was standing outside a couple days ago and I'm like, right next to our fence line, like our fence, and the bird there was a little fat bird that literally parked right next to my head and the moment I moved he scooted down. But I was like, all right, I see you, good morning. I see you, I love it.
Speaker 1:
I said Alec was a mosquito, but he's a brown bird.
Speaker 2:
I mean, there's so many, like you said, there's so many little things.
Speaker 3:
Butterflies are a huge one. Yes, there's been so many little messages, yeah.
Speaker 2:
It's crazy. If you open your eyes, you will see them.
Speaker 1:
I know I love it. Well, this has been such a blessing to get to talk to you. Oh my gosh, thank you, you know from the 10-year-old self, to this beautiful young woman who's you know has really found your voice completely and sharing it in such a beautiful way.
Speaker 3:
I've been waiting for y'all to text me and be like. I know you are coming.
Speaker 2:
Hey, you were way up there.
Speaker 1:
You were top of the list, girl, I mean it is we love hearing your story, and just you know and your honesty yes, you know hard days. I'm very honest about it.
Speaker 3:
There's days that I don't want to do anything.
Speaker 2:
No, and.
Speaker 3:
I don't, and then the next day I'm like running and getting all this stuff. Here we go, here we go.
Speaker 2:
Like you said, you're talking to us when you have 42 other things you need to do and I get it.
